Tags: rl: love life

FS// Taka is a pimp DEAL WITH IT

Sobering Thoughts

I urge no one to explore old entries of theirs, for fear that you might not like what you see. I have definitely CHANGED drastically over the years. However, I think an objective glance at what you used to be can be quite healthy. I say this because we tend to exaggerate our circumstances now, because the now is real. It affects us currently and it affects us dramatically. It's hard to believe that only a few years ago (fine, seven), I let my emotions dominate my waking thoughts. I let myself be hurt and tortured by the careless words of a sixteen-year-old boy. Granted, we were both stupid but that pain and psychological torture was real. Though I might laugh now and think, "Past!Fran, you sure were a scary drama queen!" I will never trivialize it as just being "teenage angst" (which it was, don't get me wrong). That pain I felt hurt as much as pain I feel today. 

Whenever I feel emotionally troubled, or upset by my situation, I like to look at how I treated romance in the past. In every entry and rant, there is this unmistakably pungent sadness you cannot deny. But I remember immediately how that was the past; I am here today, affected but not scarred by what happened. My feelings for this careless boy are gone, even though the thoughts my of rejection and invalidation can still bruise my ego. I am able to be without him which reminds me that whatever boy comes next will receive a similar treatment until or if I find the man I marry.

And those thoughts, are quite sobering if not actually comforting.